tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
