i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
