I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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