I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
