New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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