you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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