god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
