I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
