Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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