I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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