God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
