I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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