There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
