i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
