Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
