Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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