It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
