so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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