this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
