i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
