I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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