Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
