I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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