All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
