So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
