My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
