Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
