Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
