it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
