I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
