Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
