so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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