I can tuck mytits in my pants
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
