Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
