I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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