Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
