my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
