I want to make a zoo with you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
