I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
