yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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