So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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