Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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