god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
