sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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