Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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