I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
