worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize