glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
