i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
