I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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