so let's talk penis.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
