Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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