tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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