Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
