The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
3pm strippers are depressing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
