Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
