I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
