You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
