Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
