matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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