No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
