The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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