those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
