this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
