The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
