The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
