I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
