this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
