he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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