I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
