My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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