how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
