I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
