I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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