just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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