"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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