Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
