You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
