my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
