all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
