Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mom said you looked used
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
