I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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